When your partner discovers that you have had an affair, it’s obvious that there are likely going to be terrible consequences. Well, it’s too late to give you the advice that might have prevented this scenario, but since you are reading this, you need a little advice, huh? Here are some considerations that might help you to navigate this difficult time:
1. Safety: Your partner will be terribly hurt by your actions and may become violent. This is certainly more common for men, who in their rage may hurt you or the person with whom you were unfaithful. At your earliest opportunity, contact the person you had the affair with so that he/she can take precautions for their safety. It may be wise for you to consider staying in a safer environment for a few days. If your partner becomes violent or threatening with you, contact the police so that they can escort you to a safer place.
2. Take Responsibility: Acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions. Be honest and accountable for the affair without making excuses or blaming others. Accepting responsibility is an essential step towards rebuilding trust.
3. Don’t Blame Your Partner: You were the one who cheated. While it may be true that your partner wasn’t meeting your needs or you just weren’t getting along, discussing the issues with him or her should have come first. Counseling was probably an option for you as well. Maybe it still is.
4. Apologize Sincerely: Offer a sincere and heartfelt apology to your partner. You owe them that. Express genuine remorse for the pain and hurt you have caused. Make it clear that you understand the impact of your actions and that you are committed to making amends.
5. Be Open to Communication: Your partner will likely have many questions, concerns, and emotions. Be open and willing to listen to their feelings and thoughts without becoming defensive. Create a safe space for open and honest communication, allowing your partner to express their pain, anger, and confusion.
6. Allow Time for Processing: Healing from the discovery of an affair takes time. Understand that your partner may need space and time to process their emotions. Respect their need for distance if they request it, but also assure them that you are available to listen and support them when they are ready.
7. Provide Reassurance and Transparency: Rebuilding trust is a crucial aspect of moving forward. Be transparent and forthcoming with information about the affair, answer your partner’s questions honestly, and demonstrate through your actions that you are committed to regaining their trust. Consistency, reliability, and honesty are vital during this process.
8. Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking the assistance of a couples therapist or counselor who specializes in infidelity. A trained professional can provide guidance, facilitate healthy communication, and support both you and your partner as you navigate the complex emotions and challenges that arise from the affair.
9. Make Changes and Learn from the Experience: Reflect on the reasons behind the affair and work on personal growth. Identify any underlying issues or patterns that contributed to the infidelity and take steps to address them. Demonstrate a commitment to personal growth and positive change moving forward.
10. Be Prepared for the Fallout: When all of the members of your family and your partner learn of your infidelity, some will consider you persona non grata – and perhaps a dirtbag. You will find out who your friends really are. These people see themselves as being loyal to your partner and they don’t like the harm you may have caused. This is understandable – expect it, accept it, and if any of them talk to you about it, be truthful and don’t blame others. If you still love your partner and value your friends and family, tell them.
11. Patience and Understanding: Rebuilding a relationship after an affair is a difficult and lengthy process. It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through the challenges together. Be patient with your partner’s healing process and offer understanding as they navigate their emotions.
The process of healing and rebuilding trust is unique to each relationship, and there are no guarantees of reconciliation. Ultimately, it is up to your partner to decide if they are willing and able to move forward. It is important to respect their decisions and needs throughout this journey. Do not act rashly during this time.
