Most people want and need another special person to share their lives with. It might be true to say that most people who are thinking about going out on a date aren’t thinking about long term commitments, but they might find someone who changes their mind. Let’s face it – if you eventually decide on a long term commitment or you fall in love, the person is likely going to be from the pool of those people you have chosen to date at least once. For this reason, it’s wise to take dating very seriously. Obviously, there are several considerations to keep in mind as you think about joining the dating game. There are lots of important factors to consider, and here a few that we think are important:
1. Emotional Readiness: Assess your own emotional readiness for a relationship. Are you sure that you are ready for this? Ensure that you are in a healthy and stable emotional state before entering into a dating scenario. If you have close friends, ask them for advice – they may have observations about you that you have not considered.
2. Their Emotional Readiness: It’s a very good idea to consider your potential partner’s emotional readiness and the status of their life before getting too involved. If the mention of their former spouse causes him or her to break down in tears or punch the wall in anger, perhaps it might be best to reconsider the arrangement or timing of your efforts.
3. Safety: If you are thinking about meeting someone from an online dating site, exchange a few email messages first to find out more about the person. Remember that people who put their profile online usually engage in some form of impression management – that is, they often misrepresent themselves and omit important details (like “I’m married, have a gambling addiction, and there’s a warrant out for my arrest”).
4. More Safety: If you have never met the person before or you don’t really know the person very well, have your first meeting in a public place like a restaurant. Continue to meet in such safe places at least until you feel comfortable with the person and confident that you will be safe. It is strongly suggested that you DO NOT meet up for the first time in a hotel room or some other place you may not easily escape from. While he or she might seem nice, you don’t want to discover that you were wrong and cannot leave.
5. Boundaries: Establishing and respecting personal boundaries is crucial. Understand your own boundaries and communicate them clearly to your prospective partner. Similarly, be mindful of your partner’s boundaries and ensure that they are respected.
6. Mutual Respect: Respect is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship. Treat your prospective partner with kindness, consideration, and empathy. Respect their opinions, boundaries, and individuality. A supportive and nurturing environment is unlikely to evolve if one or both people lack respect for the other. If a friend says that the person was rude to you, listen – you may be a little blinded by love or lust.
7. Communication: Effective communication is key in any relationship. You cannot resolve differences, make wise choices, or make other satisfactory life decisions if you cannot openly discuss your needs, desires, and concerns openly and honestly with your partner. If you cannot openly communicate and discuss your wishes, one or both of you are likely to become resentful. The consequences of resentment are harmful.
8. Trust: Trust is the foundation of a strong and meaningful relationship. How do you know that you can trust someone? Tough question. Building trust takes time, and your prospective partner needs opportunities to demonstrate it to you. You probably don’t have to plan trials for the person, as life will provide them without your planning. Your instincts are very valuable, but don’t jump to conclusions without openly communicating with the other person. If you have recently survived a relationship with an untrustworthy person you would be right to be guarded, but you might be unfair. If you cannot openly and sensitively communicate with the other person, reconsider your situation.
9. Physical Attraction: While it’s not the only ingredient necessary to have a wonderful relationship, physical attraction is still an important factor. Feeling a physical and sexual connection can contribute to overall satisfaction in a romantic relationship.
Sexual Compatibility and Intimacy Test
10. Shared Interests and Activities: Having shared interests and engaging in activities together can strengthen the bond between partners. Find activities that you both enjoy and make time to engage in them as a couple.
11. Compatibility in Lifestyle and Priorities: Consider whether you and your partner have compatible lifestyles, values, long term goals and factors such as career aspirations, family planning, and commitment to each other. These things should align reasonably well for a rewarding relationship.
12. Individual Growth and Independence: You are ultimately responsible for your mental health and happiness. These things should be important to your partner too. Allow room for your personal growth within a relationship, and for your partner’s. Encourage each other’s aspirations, personal development, and independence.
